Sunday, September 22, 2013

Columbia: Impressions of a Floating Madhouse, or My Time With Bioshock Infinite

For the past year, I have kept my iPad by my side whenever I played a game and took constant notes. I kept meaning to post them, but something always got in the way. I've decided to change this, and it's about time. I felt like keeping the dates I played, because I will be doing this out of order and I'd like to remember. This isn't a walkthrough, and it's far from comprehensive. What you'll see here is basically a video game stream of consciousness. It's more like a diary that's been left unlocked and out in the open. I can't promise this will be spoiler free. It's not a review. But I will keep the ending to myself.


Alrighty, now on to BioShock Infinite. Yeah, the whole world has played it already, but I don't get paid to play. I have to make my "living" elsewhere, so I'm perpetually behind. Plus, it takes longer when I have to stop every few minutes to write this stuff.

So far, a few minutes in, the style and music totally puts me in the Bioshock mood.

I ring a three-bell combo five times and apparently call Columbia. Holy crap, that would be scary. The sky lights up red and a giant horn sounds, like an enormous ship in the night. Made me think of Unheilig. Best listened to with the speakers loud enough for the neighbors to complain.

If you don't have Spotify, please download it here. That link gets me a free month of Premium Spotify ($10/month) for every five people who sign up, but you can choose Free or Unlimited ($5/month).

Oh, sure, I'll get into the glass capsule, which I assume shoots me up to my destination, like the Wonkavator. Looks like a terrifying ride. Speaking of terrifying (yet terrific and funny) ride, I saw The Wolverine yesterday. Always loved that character and what Hugh Jackman brought to the role, but this was my favorite, in no small part due to the bullet train sequence.

Yay! 5G just for starting the game. Ha!

A short time passes and...ah, well, thank you for drowning me at my baptism. So that's how this is going to go. Don't feel very welcome here.

Some guy is knocking on the door in my dream (memory?) wanting me to pay my debts. So what do I do? Ah, yes, I'll just dance on my desk here. "That idiot priest needs to learn the difference between baptising a man and drowning one." Oh, Dewitt, I'm sure that was on purpose.

Wow, there's a lot of water here. These people mus be very pruney. You guys are praying to the Father Washington statue - sword bearer, freedom fighter - not Father Comstock. Get your facts straight. Seems they were put in front of the wrong statue. "Our prophet fills our lungs with water so they may better love the air." My lungs love the air perfectly fine, thank you.

Thought there was a glitch already. A bird was floating in the air instead of flying. Nope, that was a hummingbird. Aww, he's cute. Love the detail.

"What is Columbia, if not another Ark for another time?" Well, that sounds ominous. Seems like they're not just preparing for disaster but bringing it about.  Ooh, especially when the say something like "The seed of the prophet shall sit the throne and drown in flame the mountains of man." I've seen that lovely message twice now.

Overheard: "Damn inconvenient when buildings don't dock on time." Scary thought that buildings are docking at all. I really don't want to see where this leads in the end. I kinda don't want to fall thousands of feet to my death.

Why do I try to jump over railings? At least respawn was really quick. And that paper boy didn't even try to stop me! WTF?! Little asshole. If I lived here, I really would want the railings to be higher.

Hmm, I wonder if I'm The False Shepherd.

The Grocery Store is on the honor system, so I left the money in the basket. Felt wrong. Yes, I know it's a game. Taking it from everyone else, though. Why not? These "lambs" I'm sure will all turn against me soon.

Love these posters for Vigors. Love that they aren't just snake oil like they would be in real life. Now reminiscing about Bioshock's Plasmids.

Is that the best place to spin yourselves dizzy, kids? The railing may be tall enough, but you could fall right through the wide gap. I have a feeling some mothers are going to be losing children.

Songbird, the protector of the lamb. Creepy that there are Songbird dolls, since he would most certainly rip apart anyone that got close. Ooh, a chocolate bar. Now I have a craving. Got to get to a checkpoint. Need to stop for the day.

Yup, there it is. I have the mark of the false shepherd. Might want to hide that for now.

Ooh, time for a raffle... Really, Dewitt?! #77?! The mysterious note said not to pick that number. Well, that turned ugly real fast. No way was I going to throw the ball at the people being held prisoner. Great raffle.

Available at Amazon for XBox 360
BioShock Infinite - Xbox 360 | Bioshock Infinite: Premium Edition -Xbox 360 |
Bioshock Infinite: Ultimate Songbird Edition - Xbox 360

For Playstation 3
BioShock Infinite - Playstation 3 | Bioshock Infinite: Premium Edition - Playstation 3 |
Bioshock Infinite: Ultimate Songbird Edition - Playstation 3


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